quit the people pleasing
"People pleasing", according to Psychology Today, is "the underlying urge to make others happy and to be positively regarded". This natural desire to be liked by others becomes a problem when you're constantly putting other people's needs above your own.
I feel like girls especially are brought up to naturally tend to become people pleasers, since the way girls are raised differ quite a bit from how boys are raised.
Girls are traditionally taught to be quite submissive to others and apologize more for their actions or just when they have something to say.
And top of that, are shamed more for their bodies or appearance, making the booming beauty industry prey on these thoughts of insecurity in so many girls and women because they think that they need to change themselves in order to fit in and be approved by others, whether through a specific lipstick that will make your lips look more full and desirable or that taking weight loss pills is the best way to lose weight quickly, which spoiler alert, they're really not (trust me, been there and done that.)
The point of this episode is to remind you that it is okay to say no, and you should say no when you don't want to do something or you don't feel like doing something. Aside from having been in this situation before, I personally know people who have complained to me all night about not wanting to go to a party because they simply don't like to drink and don't like crowds, or heck, they just have a lot of work to do.
But next thing you know, they're at the party because they couldn't say no in the fear of feeling bad or looking like a party pooper. Thus they end up at the party, use up 3 hours they could've spent on their big project due in 2 days, and end up hating themselves for being such a pushover.
And that's the next thing I wanna point out - people are selfish! Like seriously! In group projects, if your teammates keep asking you to do their work because they somehow let time slip through the cracks, and you keep saying yes, it's just gonna be a 1 person project at that point and you're really gonna be suffering and overwhelmed.
I have my own stories dealing with people who thought of me as a pushover, but let me just say: the entire time, not only was I uncomfortable, but I was upset at myself because I had said yes once and the same people kept asking me for the same things over and over again.
At one point, I had to just say, I can't do this anymore and they stopped. But I would've saved myself many, many headaches if I had just said no to the things I wanted to say no to, but instead I was scared of looking like a mean person and said yes every time, and I was the only one suffering.
Now that I've graduated college and have had the chance to work and meet people outside of my personal social circle, I feel like at a certain age you come to have an epiphany or a realization, and just think like, "Wow... who the f*ck cares" and start to really not care what other people think.
I think this epiphany probably comes when you finally find something that makes you so pumped up and excited for, that you just wanna go for it, and really don't give a shit about what your friends or colleagues might think. That thing gives you energy and power and that's all that matters.
And then once you've hit that stage, you start to really explore yourself and your likes/dislikes. This stage should happen as soon as possible and everyone should be taught and reminded to love themselves, their bodies, and their minds, and what they can do for themselves and for others.
So, ladies especially, I urge you to say no when you want to. Now I'm not just saying to say no to doing things at work that you have to do and signed up for, and also I'm not saying you shouldn't go outside your comfort zone when you're trying new things.
For everything else other than those 2, if it makes you genuinely uncomfortable and it's something you really don't wanna do, just say no.
The worst thing that can happen is that your friend or whoever is sad for like 2 seconds, but you know what? They get over it. And if they're that petty of a person to hold a grudge over you because you said no to something, you don't wanna have that person as a bestie anyways.
Say no to trying to make everyone happy. Your life is about YOU, not anyone else.
Resources:
https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892678/
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-women-pressured-into-unhealthy-people-pleasing/
