What if they judge me?
Have you ever had thoughts like, "They're going to judge me." "What if they judge me?" "What if I make a complete fool out of myself?"
Well, first off, you're not alone. I've definitely had these thoughts and sometimes still do, and there's so many forums online with strangers comforting each other about their own experiences and fears of being judged for random things, like going alone to a movie theater, dressing a certain way, or just even by being their own selves.
Secondly, there's a pattern in these kinds of thoughts. Did you notice that they're in the future tense? Meaning that they haven't even happened? These thoughts are coming from the little voice called "fear" inside your head. It's a natural instinct we all have as humans, because our brain is wired to protect us from potential threats that may endanger our well-being and survival.... Basically, if you go even a little outside of your comfort zone and what's familiar to you, your brain will try to fight it. And it's not like we can blame it. Fear has allowed people to prevent accidents or eating poisonous things.
But we're not talking about literal life-or-death moments here. We're talking about the kind of fear that prevents you from living your best life and thriving in ways that give you genuine happiness and fulfillment. Also, let's rethink those thoughts. "They're going to judge me." And what if they don't? "What if I make a complete fool out of myself?"
But what if you actually discover a new passion and interest? These things that you avoid doing due to the social construct that you should be afraid of failure and only go for perfection, is holding you back from discovering your potential beginning at a new opportunity for growth.
Let's put this another way. Are you the type of person to try something and if it doesn't really go the way you expected, you say, "Welp, guess I'll just never be good at anything. That first try didn't go perfectly at all and thus I am destined to be a failure for life."
Okay well, that sounds a bit harsh if you put it that way, doesn't it? Yet, so many of us talk to ourselves like this all the time. Would you say this kind of thing to your friend though? Of course not! You'd wanna root for your friend to keep trying and remind them that that was literally only one try. How can that one try possibly determine their entire future? Well, that's exactly what you should say to yourself.
Let me tell you this - the first try won't be very good. And it shouldn't be! If it's your first time trying basketball, you really shouldn't be expect to be making dodges and lay ups exactly how Lebron does it. In order to really get good at something and gain momentum, it takes multiple tries, not just one.
There's nothing wrong with trying something out and having fun with it. And after that first try, you're already bringing a sliver of experience. You did it once, and now you can use that to do it a little better the second time, then the third, fourth, and so on.
Also, if you're thinking about getting judged for longer-term projects, like making a YouTube channel or a blog, you know, if that's what you wanna do, go for it! Seriously, like from what I've experienced and learned, we've got to remember that people really don't think about you as much as you think they do.
They've got their own problems to take care of. It's kinda like when we watch a random YouTube video but we won't think about it again in a day or two like 99% of the time. Even when we meet someone for the first time and like we forget their name literally five minutes later. People are busy. Their brains are busy.
If they haven't gone through what you wanna do, take their advice with a grain of salt or don't even take it at all. If you wanna spend your precious time and energy on other people, at least spend it on people who appreciate and uplift you with their energy, not on people who bring you down, whether they do it on purpose or not.
Another tip if you're afraid of failure or being judged is to act like no one will see your work. That way, you might feel a bit less pressure. So, you can use the phrase, "I just want to see if I can _blank__", or "I just want to try _blank__." "I just wanna see if I can start a blog." "I'm gonna apply to some theater roles - I just wanna try acting."
And honestly, unless you're a big name hot shot, not a ton of people will actually see your first-day content the very first day you post it. It takes consistency and providing something of value that contributes to your steady growth the most.
So the main point is that you don't have to be #1 in the world to be proud of what you did. The #1's in the world weren't born being #1. Remember, they got there not only with the proper guidance, but by simply starting and they kept going. Don't be ashamed of the first step.
That's the only way you can start anything! And if people judge you for that and for trying something new? Well, that's their problem, not yours. I made this affirmation just for this situation - "The judgement of others is not my problem. I am confident and I have the power to learn, thrive, and execute any goal I desire."
Write it down, say it aloud, anything to keep it close as a reminder. Affirmations are a great way to give yourself small reminders and to free yourself from unnecessary toxicity and to give yourself a boost of that feeling - You. Got this.
I want to end this episode with this: your self-worth comes from within and how you define yourself. Not from your job title, not from how many followers you have on social media, not from the opinions of your mother, brother, cousin, colleague, random hater on the Internet, nada, NONE OF THEM.
YOU perceive yourself. Your likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, your actions. They all come from you and no one else.
This relates to the problem of comparison. It really doesn't make sense to compare yourself to others because they're them and you're you. Remember this: “no one is you and that is your power."
If anything I said resonates with you, make sure to write it down and give yourself gentle reminders... or aggressive reminders - whatever works for you. Also feel free to reach out me - you know where to find me! :)
