friendships come and go
Hiya and happy 3 days ‘til Christmas!!
It’s been a fun week, but also one filled with big lessons (and much needed crying sessions).
It’s already been 7 months since I graduated from university, a place where I made my closest and dearest friends.
Friendship is something I had to learn along the way, and the way I approach people has changed a ton since I was a young girl.
In elementary and middle school, I had a belief that everyone had to like me and that I had to be friends with everyone. This led to some harsh, but honest, verbal blows to the face about how I was annoying, ugly, and didn’t deserve to have any friends. Little ‘ol Suzanne didn’t know what to do with these reactions, so of course her self-esteem withered away and all she did was focus on studying and question why she was who she was.
Then in high school, I thought I needed a BFF because my entire life, it seemed like every kid around me had someone as their pair. The peanut butter to their jelly. The milk to their cookies. I constantly compared myself to others in my social circle and questioned why no one wanted to be friends with me.
Eventually, in college, it eventually dawned on me that maybe the reason I don’t have hundreds of friends is because I don’t need hundreds of friends. Right now, I think I have like 5 best friends who I love and trust. They are there for me when I’m in pain or have something major to celebrate, and I’m there for them just the same.
From different events in my life, I’ve learned that we are not made for everyone. Not everyone is going to like us and that’s okay. It’s great actually. Certain people will vibe and click with us and others won’t. For the ones that won’t, a word of advice: don’t force them to stay.
Forcing people to stay in your life when it’s not doing you or them any good is a waste of energy. There’s no real loss in having a friend or an ex-friend drift off into the distance if it’s due to changes in personality, career, or just who they are. People move on to new chapters of their life because they are growing and changing. We are not going to be who we were in childhood forever and it shouldn’t be expected.
Friendships/people come and go in life and that’s okay. If your social circle is changing and you feel better about yourself with it, that’s great for you.
A quote I read a couple minutes ago goes like this: “If you’re not embarrassed by who you were a year ago, you’re not growing.”
I love that because I’m a huge fan of self-improvement and finding ways to improve myself and improve my life.
In the end, if you get mad at someone who doesn’t talk with you as much as they used to, don’t. (this goes deeper and relates to struggles of letting go but that’s for another time).
Focus on yourself and how you can change your attitude to live a better life. The way I see it, if you’re not willing to be better and do better, there’s no reason to get frustrated and upset. You have to be willing to change and get out of your comfort zone if you want something in your life to change, because no one else is going to do it for you. Don’t expect other people to change for you if you’re not willing to do it yourself.
Also, after you’ve done your best and put however much energy you wanted to into a friendship or any kind of relationship, if the other person is not willing to reciprocate your efforts with their own best, it’s time to move on.
People come and go in different chapters of your life for a reason. When it’s your turn to make it big (make a new friend, quit that miserable job, win an award, or whatever your dream is), it’ll come. Be patient, be consistent, but most importantly, never stop learning and improving yourself.
Strive to be your best,
Suzanne
