3 steps to confidence
This will probably be one of many blog posts about the ways that I grew my confidence over the course of my life. I’m 22 now and can proudly say that I love who I am.
However, it wasn’t always like that. In fact, I didn’t truly love myself until my junior or senior year of college, and I went through the most painful times of my life during college.
From the time I was a child until the end of high school, I honestly hated who I was - and I didn’t even know who I was or what kind of person I wanted to be! But I knew that I was unhappy. On the outside, I was that bright and energetic kid who wanted to be friends with everybody. But underneath that, I had deep insecurities. Didn’t like the way I looked, was a people pleaser, and constantly compared myself to others.
Some insecurities, I learned from other people in my life or from the media. But either way, they solidified as my beliefs until I hated my life and wanted it to end.
That was until I learned the path to self-love. Of course, these 3 steps don’t encompass EVERYTHING I learned in life for having confidence in myself, but they are the biggest things that helped me.
Understand that you can either choose to feel miserable or feel amazing.
It might be hard to believe if you’re not too deep into personal development just yet, but let me tell you this: you are here, in this moment, because of YOUR decisions that you made up until this point. You are in the driver’s seat of your life. Unless you’re a minor, no one is constantly standing over you and forcing you to make certain decisions. What you believe, become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your actions, and your actions become your life.
So first? You need to believe that whatever you want, is possible. No, you MUST believe that whatever you want is possible. If you don’t have faith and belief in your goal, of course it won’t happen. You never gave it a chance.
For many years, I thought that I had to complete X in order to do Y. I thought I had to have money to feel amazing and get away from toxic people. I thought I had to be a certain way to be considered “successful”.
But you know what? You’re not living YOUR life for other people. You’re living for you and your happiness!
During a call with my own life coach, he asked me this. “What if you don’t need to be completely financially independent to be happy?” HA. I was like… what? It was like a mental slap to the face to be honest because it felt like he just grabbed my blanket of excuses and yeeted it. The whole “financial independence/enough money so that I can feel on top of the world thing” was the main scapegoat I had been using so that I wouldn’t have to get serious about my dreams. Sound familiar?
At first, I was mad at that question for a second, but then… I realized. Wow, is that even possible? And then? I thought, HELL YEAH IT’S POSSIBLE. And now, even though I’m not sitting on top of a million dollars like I thought I had to be, I feel a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I chose to invest my time in my passions, but more importantly, it all started with believing that what I wanted was possible, and much, much closer to me having it than I thought it was.
2. Get crystal clear on what you want.
I would say that not know what I wanted in life was one of my biggest obstacles in creating a better life. ‘Cuz I didn’t know what a better life meant!!
If this sounds like you, here’s an exercise that had a HUGE impact on my confidence.
It’s called the “50 Things I Want” exercise and it’s one that my coach gave to me when I was feeling confused about life and stuck.
Give yourself about 2 hours for this entire exercise.
Grab a pen and paper and separate it into two sides. Write down 50 things that you want in life, whether it be objects, goals, experiences, anything. #1-25 will be on the first side, then #26-50 on the other. While doing this, do NOT ask yourself these two questions: “Is this possible?” “Is this selfish?” Allow yourself to really think about what you want. It might be a bit slow at first, but you have 2 hours (less or more ofc until you’re satisfied with the list).
Then, when you have your 50, you’re going to pick your top 10, in no particular order. From #1-25, pick 5, and from #26-50, pick 5. Write them down.
Finally, from your top 10, pick your top 3, in order. Your top 1 is the thing that you want the MOST in life right now, then top 2, then top 3.
Congratulations, you took the huge step of getting crystal clear on what you want and understanding yourself better.
When I did this, I thought, “Wow, I didn’t ever think I wanted that.” and it felt so good to see my thoughts out on paper.
3. Know why you want it.
So for me, I figured out that I wanted my own coaching business. Then, it was time to figure out why. My reasons include making money doing something I’m passionate about, working on my own schedule, working with people I love talking with, and more. But the biggest reason was this: I want to help other women realize their own potential and feel so confident in showing up as their true authentic selves.
Why? Because I was once the unconfident young girl who thought everyone hated her and cried herself to sleep many, many times in college when she felt like she had no purpose in life. It really sucked, and I was miserable. I want to help other women who feel like that young girl and unconfident in pursuing her dreams, because I feel it in my heart that she deserves better. I want to help other women feel so powerful mentally, that she can go for her biggest goals and have the courage to GO FOR IT.
Conclusion
There is so much that goes into truly feeling “confident” and genuinely loving yourself for who you are.
Oh man, that should be another main “step”.
Accept yourself. Embrace yourself.
Then choose to feel amazing, get clear on what you want, and why you want it.
I have so much to share about what it means to feel confident, and I can’t wait to share them with you throughout my posts.
If you’d like to learn more about me and how I can directly help you 1-on-1, check out my Coaching page to book a complimentary call. I can’t wait to hear your story. :)
With love,
Suzanne
